Parents have long taught their children the values of respect, discipline, and obedience. But in a rapidly changing world, shaped by social media, greater awareness of mental health, and evolving parenting styles, many families are now grappling with a new question: what happens when a child says, “No”?
Is it a sign of disrespect and defiance? Or could it be a healthy step toward developing boundaries, independence, and self-confidence?
Transitioning to expert perspectives, Clinical Social Worker Tamzyn Alfino describes what she calls “the plight of the millennial parent.”
She explains that many parents today are navigating two very different worlds.
“Millennials are the only generation that kind of existed before Google, during the time of the World Book Encyclopedia, but also during the time of social media and online presence,” Alfino said.
“The children we’re talking about are mostly being parented by millennials, and they’re struggling with how they themselves were raised.”
According to Alfino, many parents are now confronted with the need to unlearn certain approaches from their own upbringing, not because their parents did anything wrong, but because the context has shifted.
“Our parents were doing the best they could with what they had,” she explained.
“But not everything we experienced as children is applicable to today’s children. They have far more exposure, and mental health education and emotional intelligence are far more prevalent now.”
This tension, she said, leaves many parents feeling conflicted.
“You want to raise competent, confident, independent, critical-thinking adults. But at the same time, in the present, you want absolute compliance.”
Listen to the full interview below:
Adding another perspective, Western Cape Child Commissioner Sarah Roberts believes the conversation must also include responsibility and structure. She cautions against raising children with a one-sided understanding of rights.
“No one in the whole world can have only rights,” Roberts said.
“Even the Children’s Act starts with a child having age-appropriate responsibilities.”
She added that boundaries remain essential in healthy development.
“Children need structure. They want structure. Parents must set those boundaries.”
However, consistency is key. Roberts points out that mixed messages from parents can undermine authority.
“Today, a ‘no’ is fine; tomorrow, there’s an issue with a ‘no’. Parents must stand their ground on what their house rules are and teach their children, this is our boundary.”
As families continue navigating the balance between authority and autonomy, experts agree that the goal is not blind obedience nor unchecked freedom. Instead, it is about raising children who understand both their rights and their responsibilities, and who can confidently express themselves within clearly defined, consistent boundaries.
Listen to the full interview below:
VOC News
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